Thanksgiving has, unsurprisingly, snuck up on me this year. The entire month of November has basically been a write off, but I did get a lot of stuff done helping to clear my sister's things. I don't know that that ranks up there on the 'life productivity' scale, however. Suddenly, i'm faced with the prospect of Thanksgiving on Thursday, which somehow I wasn't expecting.
Shockingly, I don't feel terribly thankful this year.
This is probably incredibly ungrateful of me, there are a lot of things I can be thankful for. Her illness was relatively brief, we were all with her, the rest of my family is in good health and I've been able to work with most of the professors to make up my course work. I'm thankful for all of this. But just in general, it's pretty hard to feel in the Thankful-type spirit. The holiday is marching forward however, complete with all the traditional family plans. My dad comes in tomorrow, everyone's going bowling. Thursday we're going to cook (okay, everyone else is. I'm not allowed near anything flammable) and sit around the table....it's going to be painful, but i think helpful.
On a different, completely rage-filled note, my sister's jackass of an ex has re-emerged. In particular, today he texted this little gem, and I QUOTE:
"I want you to know that without a doubt IF i was still in her life she'd BE alive"
I can't even begin to address how many things are wrong with that, and how much it fills me to my very core with rage.
I am thankful however.
Thankful that he was no longer in her life, and that she kicked him out. Thankful that I will never have to speak to him again, and never have to be nice. Thankful that she knew she was loved, and that he was wrong about everything she said. Thankful to have had her as my sister, and to know that she loved me.
I'm Thankful.
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