How do you write something like this?

I'm writing this from my mother's living room right now, where I am now living. Life has changed a bit, and I'm going to try and start writing some of it down, rather than keeping it bottled up. I'll have a fair bit more time now, as I've had to withdraw from the semester at University of Michigan. In short - after three weeks in the hospital, wherein we thought she was getting better, my sister suffered multiple internal organ failures and died around 3 am on October 28th, 2010.

There is no way to dress up the reality of the situation. I have to remind myself multiple times each day that this is real, and that I'm not going to wake up and find out this is all some horrible joke. I know that, in the end, this is what was best for her, that she experienced everything so intensely that it was overwhelming every minute of every day. But I still want my big sister back, and that's just not going to happen.

None of this is new, none of this is something someone else hasn't said before. But I'm doing what I can to deal with it.

In the mean time, today was the first snow of the season. I haven't seen a first snow since the snow storm in London a couple of years ago. Even then, somehow this seemed different, watching ridiculously fat flakes cause all sorts of chaos on the streets of Denver, even when there are still bright orange and red leaves on the trees. There was a certain beauty to it. I wish she could have seen it.