Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm still struggling to be thankful for things, but I'm trying. The family event today went pretty well, no fighting or screaming. I call that a success.
The only time I completely lost it was when we first arrived, and i found myself counting the chairs around the table, and knowing that she wouldn't be there, and that there wasn't a chair set for her. That pretty much did me in and I had to excuse myself from the room for a bit, otherwise, I more or less held it together. Throughout the evening, we all just avoided the subject. There were some memories brought up and a few stories told, but no one breached it head on. I'm still not sure if I think that was a good thing, but I think none of us knew how to deal with it, or how to start it.
Or if we wanted to.....then again, I suppose none of us even remotely wanted to talk about her death, but it might have been better if we had.
I continue to find myself very short fused, and stressed out in social situations. The only way I can explain it in words to people is "I hate everyone", which isn't true, but when it comes down to it, I just get so stressed out that words fail. The result is a very twitchy, snappish me or a completely silent me. I try and stick with the silent version, it results in fewer heads getting bitten off.
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